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M16er 10-18-2006 06:07 AM

Political Science for Dummies
 
Political Science for Dummies

DEMOCRATIC

You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
You feel guilty for being successful.
Barbara Streisand sings for you.

REPUBLICAN

You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
So?

SOCIALIST

You have two cows.
The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.
You form an alphabet letter cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.

COMMUNIST

You have two cows.
The government seizes both and provides you with milk.
You wait in line for hours to get it.
It is expensive and sour.

CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE

You have two cows.
You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.

BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE

You have two cows.
Under the new farm program the government pays you to shoot one, milk
the other, and then pours the milk down the drain.

AMERICAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.
You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one.
You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows. You are
surprised when one cow drops dead. You spin an announcement to the
analysts stating you have downsized and are reducing expenses.
Your stock goes up.

FRENCH CORPORATION

You have two cows.
You go on strike because you want three cows.
You go to lunch and drink wine.
Life is good.

JAPANESE CORPORATION

You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and
produce twenty times the milk.
They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains.
Most are at the top of their class at cow school.

GERMAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.
You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give
excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour.
Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.

ITALIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows but you don't know where they are.
While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman.
You break for lunch.
Life is good.

RUSSIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.
You have some vodka.
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You have some more vodka.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really have.

TALIBAN CORPORATION

You have all the cows in Afghanistan, which are two.
You don't milk them because you cannot touch any creature's private
parts.
You get a $40 million grant from the US government to find alternatives
to milk production but use the money to buy weapons.

IRAQI CORPORATION

You have two cows.
They go into hiding.
They send radio tapes of their mooing.

POLISH CORPORATION

You have two bulls.
Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting to milk them.

BELGIAN CORPORATION

You have one cow.
The cow is schizophrenic.
Sometimes the cow thinks he's French, other times he's Flemish.
The Flemish cow won't share with the French cow.
The French cow wants control of the Flemish cow's milk.
The cow asks permission to be cut in half.
The cow dies happy.

FLORIDA CORPORATION

You have a black cow and a brown cow.
Everyone votes for the best looking one.
Some of the people who actually like the brown one best accidentally
vote for the black one.
Some people vote for both.
Some people vote for neither.
Some people can't figure out how to vote at all.
Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you which one you think
is the best-looking cow.

CALIFORNIA CORPORATION

You have millions of cows.
They make real California cheese.
Only five speak English.
Most are illegal's.
Arnold likes the ones with the big udders.

PT-The Italian Commie 10-18-2006 07:05 AM

Forgot one.
 
NAZIST/FASCIST
You have two cows.
The government seizes both and shoots you.

UZI4U 10-18-2006 05:50 PM

And another
 
ISLAMIC THEOCRACY:
You have two cows.
The local Imam takes one, straps a bomb to it and blows it up in the middle of a Kurdish market.
A different Imam takes the other as a bride.
You have no cows and are forced to pay a dowry.

PT-The Italian Commie 10-20-2006 09:43 AM

Keep more coming...
 
INDIAN CAPITALISM:
You have two cows, and you worship them.

Hadn't somebody posted something similar in the old forum, with an "Enron-style capitalism" point too? :MDR71:

PT-The Italian Commie 10-20-2006 03:02 PM

Oh, oh, wait, found some more in my archives.
 
AMERICAN CAPITALISM, ENRON-VENTURE VARIANT:
You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. The public buys your bull.

CAPITALISM, RUSSIAN CORPORATION STYLE:
You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 12 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

CAPITALISM, SWISS-STYLE:
You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you. You charge others for storing them.

STATE-CONTROLLED CAPITALISM, CHINESE-STYLE:
You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim full employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported the numbers.

CAPITALISM, ISRAELI-STYLE:
So, there are these two Jewish cows, right? They open a milk factory, an ice cream store, and then sell the movie rights. They send their calves to Harvard to become doctors. So, who needs people?

AMERICAN CAPITALISM, ARKANSAS-STYLE:
You have two cows. That one on the left is kinda cute...

M16er 10-21-2006 07:14 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PT-The Italian Commie
AMERICAN CAPITALISM, ARKANSAS-STYLE:
You have two cows. That one on the left is kinda cute...



BWAHAHAHA Works the same as Wyoming style, but with Sheep.

CeeTee 10-25-2006 01:29 AM

following...
 
RIGHT WING EXTREMIST - BRAZILIAN STYLE

You have two cows.
One is your wife
The other is your lover
You pay for both, but shag none
It could be me,
shit


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