Okay, the Germans are right: we are PARASITES
Okay, our French "cousins" are right: we have MAFIA.
We are Italians, with our good and bad sides.
But, BUT, at least...
- We don't have nazi-like unspeakable names like LOTHAR, GUNDAM, CRASFGRANDAR.
- We don't have Viking-style blonde moustaches.
- We don't carry bread under our armpits when we walk, because it's not hygienic.
- We don't wear socks with sandals, because it SUCKS.
- Our "cuisine" might not be "nouvelle", but at least our portions are human-sized and not parrot-sized.
- We have our share of good wine and good beer too, but we don't go around pissing off other people saying that we are the world's best.
- We don't have pimp-style furry steering-wheel-covers on our cars.
- We might as well be PARASITES, but we don't occupy Tuscany and the Emilia-Romagna coast every given Summer expecting to find wurstels and krauts on the beach or road indications written in two (or more) languages.
- Our women (well, mostly) don't have late-1980s or pornstar-alike platinum blonde hairstyles, as well here the permanent has been banned as well as the slip bath-costumes.
- Yeah, that's true, our football players spit and piss off the opponents and play rough, but they don't head-hit the adversary players, and if they do nobody dares to prize them as a tournament's best players..
- If one of our player gets disqualified for 5 matches because he has hit an opponent at the face with an elbow smash, nobody shouts "that's a scandal!", neither if the TV film was not officially authorised. Max that can happen, one swears God for the disqualify, and that's the whole deal.
- We don't boast ourselves worldwide for a moddafocking rusty metal tower.
- When an Italian happens to have to move abroad, give him 6 months and he'll speak the new language better than many "natives". When a fucking crook (ooops, German) comes in Italy, lives in Italy, eats and drinks in Italy, and drives a fucking Italian FERRARI F1 car for 6 years, max that he'll do, he'll learn ENGLISH!
- Michel Platini, "Le Roi", was French, but played soccer in Italy. Zinedine Zidane, "L'Imperateur", is French, but achieved his fame playing in Italy. Thierry Henry and Patrick Vieira played soccer in Italy. The question is: is there any fucking Frenchman that can learn playing soccer without having to come to Italy for it?
- When we loose a match at the Penalties, that's BAD LUCK. When we win it, that's VENGEANCE. And it tastes SWEET...
- We might as well be a Country with many divisions and contradictions, but we NEVER had a wall, and we don't have false-French from Maghreb, Algeria and Tunis who take every occasion to destroy shop windows and cars and burn down entire "Banlieues".
- We have PIZZA. It's delicious, and the entire world envies us for it.
- The OMELETTE is just a fucking fried egg.
- Would you dare to compare a German WURSTEL with a SOPPRESSATA from Calabria?
Yeah, yeah, I know, I might as well go on forever. Our social and cultural differences are so much. You know, we might as well play to find out or invent new ones to be added to the list.
But that's enough and okay by now. It's just the beginning. We have four more years of time to do what in which we, Italians, are doubtlessly the undisputed World Champions:
A note for the French and the Germans around: No rancor, okay?
This is just the translation of a rant written in Italian that was published on the Web after the Italian victory at the Soccer World Championship in response to the many German and French insults we have been targeted of since the half-finals of the tournament. It's written under an Italian point of view, so many Americans might not understand it completely (a French, being at least as "Mediterranean" as us, might get it better).
"It is criminal to teach a man not to defend himself, when he is the constant victim of brutal attacks. It is legal and lawful to own a shotgun or a rifle. We believe in obeying the law." -- Malcolm X
"We (atheists) act in good conscience because we believe in moral principles, not because we expect a reward in Heaven." -- Margherita Hack
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